So… I suck at this “mom” thing…

ISO: Owners manual for children that apparently got delivered to some moms, but not the rest of us.

Every day, I ask myself if I’m doing a good job at this “mom” thing. Every day, the answer is “No.” Everywhere you turn there is someone telling you that what you’re doing is wrong and what they’re doing is right. EVERYWHERE. As a matter of fact, I read something this morning, (I can’t remember if it was a Facebook post or a blog) but it basically listed all the things I’m doing “wrong” as a mom. It consisted of the following: I don’t love my child if I fed him formula. I am a zealot if I teach him about the Bible.  I should avoid red meat, gluten & all sugar and processed foods…. oops. I should co-sleep and never spank him… oops again. Well…. I guess it’s true. I really do SUCK at this mom thing…. according to this stranger with a laptop.

I know I can’t be alone in feeling this way. I know I can’t be the only mom who thinks she sucks at this some days. I am not alone. Right?!

So, in light of all the “wisdom” floating around the internet, I’ve decided to make my OWN list of Mom Things. These are things that I have actually done/thought/said/considered. Am I mom of the year? Probably not. Am I trying my best? EVERY.DAMN.DAY.

what you get….

what you see….

what you see vs. what you get #momlife

Note: I am humble enough to know that these OPINIONS of mine are in fact, only opinions. They are not facts. Therefore, I will not debate with others who believe that their opposing opinions ARE in fact, facts. 

1. Breast Feed. Formula Feed. Who cares?! As long as you FEED! Thats your business. My son had leftover pizza for breakfast today. Shockingly, he still alive. For lunch, he’ll have broccoli and grilled chicken. BALANCE,people. Balance.
2. Its ok to want to punch your smart-mouthed back talker. Just don’t actually do it. (My mom gave me this advice…) Kids are infuriating. They’re humans and are allowed to act out from time to time. Hey Mom… so are YOU!
3. Whats your kids bedtime? 7pm? 10pm? Where does he sleep? With you? In his own room? What brand of toothpaste do you use? Toilet paper, over or under? Are you a sock, shoe, sock, shoe or a sock, sock, shoe, shoe person? DO YOU SEE HOW NONE OF THESE QUESTIONS SHOULD MATTER TO YOU?!  Why do people have an opinion about when your kids sleep? My son goes to bed late according to the standard for a 5 year old. He goes to bed at 10. Why? His daddy works until 8. We value TIME more than bedtime. Sue us.
4. My son just came into my office and said “I make the rules here!” Please refer to #2.
5. Quit comparing yourself to other moms. Haven’t you ever heard of mothers intuition? You were divinely chosen to be the mommy to your littles. Trust yourself.
6. Ya know those moments where you think? Crap. Well I just said/did the wrong thing.  (For example, my yelling at cars in traffic and Kam saying “All these other drivers stink.” …. and me high-fiving my son for being a grade-A road-rager.) Not my most shining mom moment. Forgive yourself and move on. Try to NOT do it again…
7. “Back when I was young and kid-free…” Those words. Those words do NOT make you a bad mom. Yearning for the days of freedom does NOT make you a bad mom. You are an individual. Being a mom is just part of who you are now.
8. Its ok to take a time out every now and then. Mommy sometimes needs to make mommy happy. A happy mommy is a good mommy. (Hear that, hubby?!)
9. I am a stay at home mom. Does that mean I think working moms are sub par? No. I was raised by a single, working mom. Nothing irks (is that a word?) my nerves more than a SAHM posting on Facebook about how much goes into it and a working mom comment with a snide “Try doing that AND having a job.” And the same applies to the working mom who says its so hard and the SAHM saying “At least you get to talk to grown ups during the day.” Who wins here? I’ll tell ya – not the 2 women trying to prove they are “better” by arguing on Facebook. Are you trying your best with your situation? Good. That’s all that matters (or should matter.)
10. My son just came into my office again and said “You’re the best girl, mommy. I love you all the stars in the sky.” Please denote and disregard #2.

To sum it up, not one mom is like the other yet we are ALL the same. We gave life to these little humans and it’s our job to help them become the best adults they can be. We are all out here just fakin’ it til’ we make it. Mom-shaming should be nonexistent in my opinion. I can confidently say that no one will ever LOVE our children as much as we do. No one loves my son the same was I do. My sun rises and sets on this little boy. If doing the best I can is wrong, I don’t want to be right. None of us got that manual… or at least I didn’t.

So are you doing it wrong? Probably. But so are the rest of us. 🙂

Now, go love the crap outta the little monsters!

XoXo,

Brittany

My Advice – To those who are listening.

Hey All! A couple of days ago, I posted a status on my Facebook asking my friends for ideas for a new blog. I got several good ones so it seems like I will be writing a lot over the next couple weeks! 🙂 But one of the suggestions was for me to write on finding and living a purpose driven life. First of all, let me say that I am SO humbled by the fact that people actually want to hear what little ol’ me has to say about something so BIG. Second of all, I am a work in progress myself… so in this blog, I promise to do my best to deliver what I believe is good advice.

If you read my last blog “A Note to My Younger Self: Advice to Get Through Your Early 20s“, I talked about how I used to lie about the person I was. I created a version of myself that I thought others would like. Nothing was genuine. Absolutely nothing in my life happened organically. I created reasons and motives with the intention of fitting that “mold” I was being poured in.  I know I’m not the only person who has ever done this. We all can get stuck in ruts, whether it be in a relationship, in our job or with our friends, where we design our thinking to accommodate those around us. Our “purpose” becomes skewed. The truth is, we can’t truly know our purpose if we don’t truly know our selves… and listen closely – knowing your TRUE self… it’s scary. Being honest with yourself about the person you are, both goods and bads, is a very intimidating process…. because YOU are the one person YOU can’t run or hide from.

You. That person you can’t hide from. If you’re lucky, you’ll get the pleasure of meeting “You”  when you’re still young enough to find your purpose and EMBRACE it. In Advocare, we ask people the question “What is your purpose?” The answers range but are normally based around money. “To be financially stable.” “To be out of debt” or sometimes even just “To make a lot of money”. And then you get the broad answers “My Kids.” “My Family.” “My Husband.” Don’t get me wrong – those are all good REASONS to try and be successful at something… but thats what they are… they are REASONS. I want to know your PURPOSE. What is it that gives you a knot in your stomach you want it so badly? What is it that makes your nose burn as you hold back tears when you talk about it? Find that. That is your purpose. And you can have more than one. No one had ever asked me what my purpose was before. Wanna know what my answer was 6 months ago? “My family.” haha Yep. I was a “broad answer girl.” Wanna know what it is now? How much time do you have?! LOL I eat, sleep and breathe my purpose.

Brittany, Whats your purpose? My purpose(s)… well, 1) To bring my husband home. I say this to people all the time… but my biggest fear for my family is that my sons kindergarten teacher will pass us in the store and my husband will have no clue who she is. Not because he’s a bad dad… but because he is working SO hard just to pay some bills, that he’s missing his sons life happening before MY eyes. I refuse to let my husband miss those moments just because he bears the burden of supporting our family alone. 2) To help as many people and touch as many lives as I possibly can with the time that God is giving me on this earth. I found this passion years ago when I realized that I have been blessed with the ability to speak and have people listen (or at least pretend to! LOL – Thanks by the way!) To see lives around me changing all because I refuse to let them sink, that makes my heart happy. My purpose is YOUR purpose. 3) To exemplify what it is to be a good, honest, CHRISTIAN woman. This is what I struggle with. But I am getting closer and closer every day. I am flawed… so flawed. But the grace of my Lord and Saviour allows me to wake up and try again! I have learned that what I allow is what I become. I have started reading my Bible more, as well as other Christian leadership books. I have started praying more… and listening to God speak to me as much as I expect him to listen to me! I have started listening to Christian music. I want to surround myself with His glory. My purpose is to make God proud. 4) To be a champion. The definition of Champion is “An ardent defender of purpose.” There it is. My ultimate purpose is to be an ARDENT DEFENDER OF MY PURPOSE!!! To be a CHAMPION. THE Champion.

There you have it. How to find your purpose. Now, how to live a purpose driven life? Stick. That’s right. Stick with it. Every day… strive to be better. Strive to be a champion – an ardent defender of your purpose. There will be days (probably more days like this than otherwise) that will be hard or distracting. Days that you feel like your kids just cant get it together. Days that you and your spouse just wont quit bickering. Days that the bills are piled higher than yesterday. It’s these days… from the average perspective, these are the days that slow you down. But why be average? Why contribute to mediocrity by allowing these days to be excuses?! STOP! Use these days to DRIVE you towards your purpose. Use these days be the fuel in the fire!! I can’t say this passionately enough! (I could use bold, italic, ALL CAPS font but I don’t wanna scare you away haha). Dont be the average. KNOW that at the end of the tunnel is a light… because the light was lit by YOU! That light is your purpose… and you should let NOTHING stop you from getting there. Be pushed forward by those moments that weigh you down… and know that those moments are NOT your truth. Those moments are just helping you become… a champion. You just have to push… stick and stay. Be consistent. Never quit.

Whoa, Brittany! That was intense! haha YES! Yes it was. Wanna know why? I’m not standing up here on a pedestal trying to tell you all how to live your life. I am staring in a mirror – saying all this to myself! I am not a Harvard graduate in psychotherapy. I just know that this blog is not only an opportunity to reach out to others and help them find a way towards whatever answers they are looking to find but as a way of manifesting my OWN truth and motivation to be MORE. We are all in this race together. Lets lock arms and help each other towards our light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you all know that I genuinely appreciate and am humbled by the ability to reach out to all of you. Thank you for being part of my purpose. Thank you for helping me Be A Champion<3

We all have a story…

While, I love indulging all of you in our fitness story, there IS a universal and slightly personal message I want to address.

Let Gods presence mean more to you than Gods presents.

So often, we pray for what we want. We don’t slow down enough to take a deep breath and FEEL Gods work in our life. We only look for Him to send us a bigger paycheck or promotion or… I don’t know… anything else you can think of that’s of THIS world. I am guilty of this so many times over in my life. But I am working… HARD to change my perspective on the blessings all around me. While, the opportunities that have been laid before Nate and I WILL potentially bring us closer to financial freedom, the part I’m most excited about is the change its going to force in us as individuals and as a married couple.

My Blessings ❤

I was raised by a single mom. I watched her struggle to make ends meet most of my life. She never complained or made us (the kids) bear the burdens that she faced behind closed doors. She worked hard every day, always respecting whatever position it was that she held. I watched my

mom narrow her vision to survival mode. She has the potential to be a super star somewhere, making costumes, decorating houses, stand up comedy… But instead, she embraced her role as the hard working, young, single mom. Not until I became an adult did I realize how poor we really were and how much stress my mom had to bear. When I ask myself what she has taught me, its that you can’t ever stop. Life is going to keep going. Always, do what you have to do for your family… And never lose your sense of humor.  **P.S. If you ask my mom about this, she will shrug her shoulders and say “Eh! Its not that bad! Just do what I gotta do!” Then she will sarcastically as you if you have a rich, single man friend! LOL

My husband Nate was brought up in the completely opposite atmosphere. He had a navy bound father and a stay at home mother. I can’t speak on his emotional experiences like I can my own, but what I can speak on is what he has said he learned from his childhood. He has said that he has learned that he doesn’t want me (the stay at home mom) and him (the out working dad) to be two separate roles in the household, always biding for who deserves more credit. Our goal is to work cohesively. To appreciate every single thing that the other does. Its going to take work but I believe that we are capable of being a power couple. I am thankful for all that my husband does and he is thankful for me. I’m excited about

continuing our journey hand in hand.

Whats the point of this blog, you ask? The point is this: Never allow your past experiences to dictate your now. As blessed as Nate and I both were as children, we know we can set our own paths. We can change the things that caused our parents to struggle and find our own struggles (because they will be there no matter what). We want Kamdens story to be different than ours. We want to embrace Gods presence in our life, not just His presents. THAT is how you get through the hard times. Stop. Take in His presence.  He is always working… I encourage you to work at becoming more than you are. Pray diligently. Believe that with Gods grace, ANYTHING is possible.. Nate and I are living proof of that. We owe Him and thank Him for all of our blessings that are and that will come.

What are your forgotten blessings? What about your life can you be more thankful for? What about your life can you be less bitter about?

Change comes from upward and within.

Stay Awesome ❤

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